When you're a diabass, a divabetic, a type 1 warrior, it can be isolating because not only is it impossible for most people to comprehend what you deal with... but you also hit a level of maturity it takes others a lifetime to achieve. We understand and cope with so much because we HAVE to, diabetes is a teacher for those affected to adapt to a life with endless challenges. But if you're reading this, you've overcome obstacles and are here to embrace another day. I often find it a bit of a hurdle, beyond my personal relationship with Type 1, to connect with others if they haven't experienced a hardship or a challenge which forced them to alter their existence. Not that I wish a trauma on anyone, but you definitely connect empathetically with others and reach a level of understanding that not everyone has faced. THEN you try entering the dating scene with a chronic illness and it turns into the most distressing, self-conscious experience imaginable. It seemed impossible to find any potential once a guy found out I had diabetes because it was extra baggage, it was a risk, it was NEW... unfamiliar. And people are scared of what they don't know. I scared men off for a long time and was pretty done with the rejection until... along came a Brazilian.
We started messaging briefly and one of the first conversations brought up that his primary language was not English. He apologized for his grammatical error and said that he understood if I didn't want to talk anymore. I was in complete shock, I couldn't justify how english as a second language would affect my attraction to him, but apparently he had encountered other girls that felt differently. Here is a man from another country, another culture, learning a new language... I was beyond impressed. Knowing that someone was putting in more effort than most to belong to our community was truly encouraging to me, and we started dating. When it came to ME, I was still terrified of his reaction to learning I have type 1 diabetes. Whether you make a friend, go on a date, apply for a job, it's a stigma that not everyone is looking to accept so I tend to be nervous about how people will respond. He was accepting and wanted to know more, so as we got to know each other, I shared more. Honestly, I just waited for that one day that he'd say "NOPE, too much, I'm out." But it never came, instead he offered help and support. I realized that as much Brazilian culture and Portguese as I had to learn to be more familiar with who he is, he was willing to take all the differences I had to offer (and "differences" is quite the euphamism)as a part of who I was. It is TERRIFYING to introduce type 1 as a part of your life. There are always people who react negatively, and that discourages us from doing it again, or being anxious for when is happens. I am very open (obviously) about my life and what it entails but when you care about someone, you fear that this battle is something they're not ready to fight with you. You don't want to be a burden, you don't want to feel inferior or broken, but it happens. The most important thing is focusing on surrounding yourself with support. This is such a wonderful chance to bond with people leading a life that may not look like "the norm" but what we go through and rise above creates a chance for greater understanding. I never thought I'd meet someone that would hear my pump alarm and ask what I needed, that would sit with me while I recovered from a low, that would listen to a rant about insurance nightmares. But I finally realized what it's like to see someone who has their own stigmas and has been dismissed for their differences but really, it's what makes them a more valuable individual. Connect more, share freely, and love yourself. You're amazing and nothing will ever change that.
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AuthorJust a divabetic fueled by coffee, insulin, and purpose. Archives
April 2020
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